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« 'Vampire Slayer' Shoots Man In Face | Main | Sexy Urinals? »


Man Attempts Suicide By Nailing Himself to Cross, Fails
March 16, 2004

A Hartland man was treated at a Pittsfield hospital after he nailed himself to a cross. The 23-year-old man apparently was trying to commit suicide Thursday evening in his living room. He attached a suicide sign to the wood and then proceeded to nail one of his hands to the makeshift cross using a 14-penny nail and a hammer.

"When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911," Boucher said. It was unclear whether the man was seeking assistance for his injury or help in nailing down his other hand.

Source: Associated Press

Posted by Twisted at March 16, 2004 10:24 PM

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User Comments:

wow...this guy needs serious help...he needs to be saved

Posted by: becca at March 17, 2004 02:28 PM

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wow...this guy needs serious help...he needs to be saved

Posted by: becca at March 17, 2004 02:29 PM

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This guy needs to be locked away in a white jacket for a while

Posted by: Shaggy at March 17, 2004 04:19 PM

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Who does that guy think he is Jesus or something? Some people.

Posted by: Carlin Jones at March 18, 2004 11:19 AM

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Well this guy definetly thinks he dosen't belong in this world anymore.

Posted by: SwEeTtHaNg at March 18, 2004 01:51 PM

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Well this guy definetly thinks he dosen't belong in this world anymore.

Posted by: SwEeTtHaNg at March 18, 2004 01:51 PM

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this dumbass... K NOW WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU

Posted by: ripwmguy at March 18, 2004 11:59 PM

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jesus wanna be he kant be the all mighty jesus

Posted by: kayla at March 19, 2004 12:23 PM

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if he is trying to be jesus, tell him to FUCK OFF BUMB ASS

Posted by: luke at March 20, 2004 08:39 PM

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Obviously he thought he didn't belong but what better way to go out then the way your savior did? (differenty perspective i guess)

Posted by: Jeremy at March 21, 2004 03:37 PM

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I think he is corageous for trying to go out in style, but he must remember that I am, in fact, the almighty jesus christ. Though shalt not try to emulate thee, or thou shalt be asking for the wrath of one thousand witches with rabies. Amen

Posted by: Jesus H. Christ at March 22, 2004 10:31 PM

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YEAH LETS FUCK HIM IN THE ASS!!!!

Posted by: COGATO at March 23, 2004 02:35 PM

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oh fuck holy shit i guess the first fake jesus didnt get the point around so he had to go and reclaim someone elses point...fucker...(im an athiest go away)

Posted by: ryan at March 23, 2004 06:50 PM

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Stupid Wallaby fucker called 911 for help--help to nail his hide to the cross! If he had any hair at all, he'd have put one through his ballsack first. I guess there just aren't any real men any more.

Posted by: howie feltersnatch at March 25, 2004 04:43 PM

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Where'd I leave the car?

Posted by: Name at March 25, 2004 06:06 PM

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dude if he is god then why didn't i get to meat him like 911 did

Posted by: skittles at March 26, 2004 09:53 PM

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This guy is a f****** loser hes just
trying to be like Jesus what a loser

Posted by: cammy & krissy at March 27, 2004 04:05 PM

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Holy Jesus On A Cross...this is wacked out.
now see this dumbass seriously didnt think this shit threw! if your going to kill yourself MAKE SURE YOU CAN DO IT! dumbass i should kill you for failing! its so easy to die... fuck you jesus wanna be! go take a shower... you smell like cunt asshole!

hehe

Posted by: *Precious* at March 29, 2004 08:02 AM

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yeh guys whats up im here for the free publicity fuck the article

Posted by: justin at March 29, 2004 04:21 PM

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So hilarious...bet he's seen Passion of Christ of something.

[quote]When he realized that he was unable to nail his other hand to the board, he called 911[/quote]

Just pied my pants...like d'oh!!

Posted by: Tobias at April 4, 2004 02:05 PM

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ok...lets think about this for a moment..
he nailed down one hand and then couldnt nail down the other..
duh!!!!!
you cant nail down the other hand with your first hand confined! i think you need some fingers and a jointed thumb to do this....
stupid stupid stupid...

Posted by: tonya at April 7, 2004 10:08 PM

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Siddown hear and lemme tell ya about a man, a great man, hallelujah, who was willin to save yer souls! Christ Almighty, he knew what he was doin' folks! He tried so save the world from evil and common sense. Now while I shake my snake lemme ask you this. If God Almighty came to you tonight and told you, commanded you, to put yer life on the cross, make sure you've got someone there to helpya out a bit. Hallelujah! Amen.

Posted by: Rev. Thumper at April 7, 2004 10:41 PM

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If only I had a brain.....

Posted by: Scarecrow at April 7, 2004 10:42 PM

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Some Life of Brian fans still don't realise it was ONLY a movie...

Posted by: BigFatBlues at April 12, 2004 03:59 AM

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why do ppl try to be me..i was nailed to the cross for a reason..im god..not you or you or even you..please think of me b4 u try doing this..god bless and good bye

Posted by: iAMgod at April 12, 2004 08:57 AM

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The man was obviously trying to have sex with his ex-wife's boyfriend then figured out it was a man and tried to kill himself on the cross. That is the only logical explaination. If he had a very small penis however, and when i say small i mean small, im talkin like _____ that long then he might have done it for that reason.

Posted by: Jackass #1 at April 15, 2004 11:26 AM

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This is fucking hilarious. There's actually a joke that went exactly the same as this that a Catholic friend of mine used to tell... "I tried to hang myself Jesus-style last night, but I couldn't get the second nail in." And does CAGATO have some sort of bisexual intraspecies Freudian complex? I think he would fuck anything that had a hole in it.

Posted by: Fuckhead at April 16, 2004 01:52 PM

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Opps! Mel Gibson should have known the guy before he selected the man of his film Passion of Christ.

Posted by: Rana M at April 20, 2004 05:38 AM

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Well Mel Gibson sure is making a hell of a lot more money than you so what the hell are you talking about?

Also, that Jeremy dude.. you're awesome! I love this comment:

Obviously he thought he didn't belong but what better way to go out then the way your savior did? (differenty perspective i guess)

Posted by: Jeremy at March 21, 2004 03:37 PM

That rocked. I love the way you looked at that and I totally agree. He evidently wanted to die, and there is no better way to do so than the way your maker died.

Posted by: Chels at April 20, 2004 04:23 PM

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Stuff dat..
mmm well i think dat he izza looser cause would 'nt u think ov dis before u nail urself 2 tha cross?????
ha ha ha ha..
weirdo...
besides u would be inna lotta pail 4 a long time before u die.. jesus crist ...............

Posted by: bow_down at April 27, 2004 08:11 PM

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"when i go, i'll go out with a statement!"
a perfect plan ruined in the execution...
that gimmick's been done, dude. come up with your own. all you had to do was copy and you still fucked it up.

Posted by: Lilitu at April 29, 2004 10:12 AM

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fuckin stupid person i mean it man wha he do go watch Passion of the Christ than all of a sudden wanna nail hisself to a cross too? thats fucked up
he cant be like Jesus man..nobody can but Jesus
ya fuckin wanna-be
if you wanna be in Jesus's world/Heaven than just die man dont nail urself to a fuckin cross thats like trying to be what your not..which is Jesus so why dont you just live life and get it over with or be put in a mental hospital with a white jacket that wont let you do anything to yourself and live in a room that has no windows..just those messed up walls that you have to look at every day...yea you need help dude go get it immediately!

Posted by: Angel at April 30, 2004 08:35 PM

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You bitch!!! you are not sexy, your just like to have 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Posted by: you are no angel at May 1, 2004 02:30 PM

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Hurry up and pull the gun out your mouth before... oh no!!

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Posted by: egegeeg at May 5, 2004 04:35 AM

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i heard about that a while ago...hah you have to be a real idiot not to think about how you're going to nail down the other hand. (sigh) people these days...

Posted by: killian at May 5, 2004 03:19 PM

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KILLIAN THAT`S A REAL GOOD ONE!!!!

Posted by: crazierdinamug at May 7, 2004 04:01 PM

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Gee Golly this guy is really messsed up

Posted by: SuperCavey at May 13, 2004 04:45 PM

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Lol.. Yeah. Serious help.

Posted by: Anti at May 15, 2004 02:41 PM

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I convinced him to try that stupid act! That dumb fucker tried it too! HAHAHA

Call Me... 1-800-666-hell

Posted by: Lucifer at May 20, 2004 09:04 AM

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this man needs to stop trying to ematate jesus all that will get hom is a one way ticket to hell

Posted by: brandon at May 20, 2004 03:39 PM

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what a fuckin retard If he wanted to do that he could have hierd someone to be there and nail the other hand down fucking crist.

Posted by: shmoe at May 27, 2004 05:08 PM

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Well, I think its really cool that he tried to kill himself like that. Thats the bravest way to go out in this world, he would have been strongly remembered. He deserves a bow. But, he shouldve been able to pull it off better.

Posted by: Choke at June 1, 2004 07:39 PM

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this guy is crazy,can u think of what hel do if nobody would let him sleep and keept buging him .maybe put a bulit in his head so no one can wake him up.

Posted by: albert at June 2, 2004 02:00 PM

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Omfg. I can't believe he didn't think about how he was going to nail his other hand. Dumbass. Ya know what he needs? He needs to be killed. A long painful death is what he needs, not just for trying to nail himself to a cross, but for being so fucking stupid. Damn.

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Posted by: zaheer at June 7, 2004 12:52 AM

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Awwwwhhhh. I think its cute. ''Whos a little Wannabe Jesus? Come On, Who is it?'' *Insert Rambly Baby Talk.*

Posted by: M at June 20, 2004 06:43 AM

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I think that the man who attemped to nail himself to that board or cross whatever it was is very STUPID and CRAZY. He should have known that he only had two hands and when he nailed one hand he couldn't nail the other, he is so simple. He along with the person who claims to be COGATO needs to be in those white uniforms for a very long time. Locked away from everybody else cause they both are very sick people!

Posted by: Pam at July 1, 2004 06:17 AM

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I think this poor bastard spent to much time listening to "i'm trying to be like jesus" u guyz know that fagget hymn

Posted by: Bob at July 6, 2004 12:06 AM

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Now look here people. If he'd had 12 loser friends like the "original"...
I'm sure they would have nailed the other hand in for him.

Well at least if they drank half as much as "HIS" friends did anyways...

No wonder they saw him walking around 3 days later, they were having DT's!!!

Posted by: Mr. Obvious at July 10, 2004 03:59 AM

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Now look here people. If he'd had 12 loser friends like the "original"...
I'm sure they would have nailed the other hand in for him.

Well at least if they drank half as much as "HIS" friends did anyways...

No wonder they saw him walking around 3 days later, they were having DT's!!!

Posted by: Mr. Obvious at July 10, 2004 04:00 AM

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jesus smesus. how do you know he was trying to be like this so called "jesus" person you speak of. its pathetic. DO YOU ALL KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE WERE CRUCIFIED BY THE ROMANS NOT JUST "JESUS CHRIST" STOP IT WITH THE SAVIOR BULL SHIT. I AM THE ONLY JESUS.

Posted by: Sophie at July 24, 2004 01:46 PM

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How in Gods Holy Freakin Name did this moron think he was going to kill himself by nailing himself to a damn cross????? It would take sooooo long for him to bleed to death from those little tiny holes in his hands..... Somebody wake me when it's over!!!!!

Posted by: 4_ur_eyes_only at August 8, 2004 12:03 AM

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This dude should have watched the video for the Preacher, in Twisted Metal Black...just put the nail with the point facing away from the wood, then after you nail your first hand on, just swing your other hand really fast so the nail will go right through it, then kick out the crate you were standing on...thus hanging yourself from the cross

Posted by: Anti-Matter at August 27, 2004 11:23 PM

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This dude should have watched the video for the Preacher, in Twisted Metal Black...just put the nail with the point facing away from the wood, then after you nail your first hand on, just swing your other hand really fast so the nail will go right through it, then kick out the crate you were standing on...thus hanging yourself from the cross

Posted by: Anti-Matter at August 27, 2004 11:23 PM

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This dude should have watched the video for the Preacher, in Twisted Metal Black...just put the nail with the point facing away from the wood, then after you nail your first hand on, just swing your other hand really fast so the nail will go right through it, then kick out the crate you were standing on...thus hanging yourself from the cross

Posted by: Anti-Matter at August 27, 2004 11:24 PM

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This dude should have watched the video for the Preacher, in Twisted Metal Black...
just put the nail with the point facing away from the wood, then after you
nail your first hand on, just swing your other hand really fast so the
nail will go right through it, then kick out the crate you were standing on
...thus hanging yourself from the cross

Posted by: Anti-Matter at August 27, 2004 11:25 PM

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sorry bout that...this comp sucks, so it sent it through like 5 times

Posted by: Anti-Matter at August 27, 2004 11:27 PM

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good god why? if he actually tried to DO this 4 a reason then why did he call 911 insted of some sacrafisal jewish people like the orginal.SOME POEPLE JUST NEED TO THINK!!!!

Posted by: 2dope at August 28, 2004 04:40 PM

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Dude congrats to that guy. But next time have a friend help you with the other have. And to all y'all I am the true god.

Posted by: Samantha at September 3, 2004 12:15 AM

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goos idea....dickhead didnt think about the two hand thing lol

Posted by: rosie at September 8, 2004 02:56 AM

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wow i wanna try that... I'm serious.

Posted by: Andy at September 13, 2004 05:38 PM

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